Archive for ‘male chastity’

February 11, 2012

breaking (with) sissy

by MissH213

If you’re a reader of Sissy Christie’s blog, you already know that we’re taking a bit of a break from the FLR and male chastity. There’s no real significance to taking a break; it’s not a sign of a problem or anything. It started when I allowed him to cum one night 2 weeks or so ago, after he hadn’t orgasmed freely since early September.

I was happy to take a break from chastity. It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying our sex life. The thing about keeping the cock under lock and prohibiting orgasms, though, is that you can’t just set those things aside one night for some good, old fashioned fuckin’. As C and I have both blogged, his libido changes swiftly and dramatically when he orgasms after being chaste for an extended period of time, so I’m strategic in planning when he’s allowed to cum. Depending on where we are in the chastity cycle, his needs dip and dive or spike, whereas my needs remain fairly constant. If we weren’t able to communicate as openly and frequently as we do, I think this lifestyle would be harmful to our relationship. I think it takes a couple who are loving, committed, self-aware, communicative, and willing to be vulnerable to make the FLR/chastity thing work.

If I had any complaints, it’s that my expectation taking a break would mean we’d be free to fuck any time of night or day, any day of the week, on every surface in our house and cars. But, that isn’t what’s happened. And, despite my being prepared for the shift and us talking about responsibly, I’ve still taken a hit: feeling undesired. I asked him last week if he wanted to get a few drinks and have a “date night” – code for sex, of course – and he responded, “if you want to.” Had I asked that question while he was in full-on chastity, he would moaned a yes and stayed by my side most of the day until it was time to start date night. Whether it’s accurate or not, I interpreted “if you want to” to mean, “eh, not really, but I won’t fight you on it,” which made me want to crawl into a hole.

I asked him again today if he’d like to make it a date night, and he said, “sure.” I guess that’s better. I know he really is tired, we’ve both been sick over the last month or so, and life really has us running ragged. Being in the FLR/chastity zone naturally causes us to prioritize sex and each other. Taking a break allows us to shift our focus.

I’m pretty sure all of this could be resolved simply, by quitting our jobs and moving to an island, where we’d have no concerns other than which flavor margarita to sip on any given day. Short of that, I’m locking him back up very soon. It’s time to get back where we belong.

December 19, 2011

end of denial

by MissH213

My darling Sissy Christie had not had a free, enjoyable orgasm for somewhere around 100 days. I’ve promised him a period of freedom soon after the new year starts. Mixed feelings abound.

When she and I are engaged sexually, she begs for release. I always deny her. About every 14 days our so, I give her a ruined orgasm, a technique we’ve perfected in the last month or so. When she’s at her most pained  horniness, however, ruined is not enough. That’s the point, which I happily bring home.

In the light of day, however, C doesn’t want to have free orgasms. He doesn’t want to lose his constant need, our to face the certain downtime we’ll face as a couple.

I’m the dominant, though, so what I say goes. I think it’s important to keep balance, and having a break from the chastity will let us reset our intense tease and denial normalcy. I’m probably as nervous about it as he is, but maybe that’s party of the kink, too. Keeping us on our toes, not letting us get too comfortable.

In fact, I look forward to angrily reasserting my dominance after our short break in January. I’m much more comfortable with my role, and have nothing but time to think of ways to remind her who’s boss.

November 21, 2011

a kinky rut

by MissH213

“I was tumbling porn today, when I saw a picture that made me realize – Miss H and I haven’t just “had sex” for a long time,” C said last night as we lay in bed, winding down before turning out the lights.

I thought he was voicing a thought I’ve had a for a week or so, and I responded. “I know, I was thinking the same thing, that sometimes I’d like to just have sex with you, but we’re in this situation where we really can’t. Sometimes I miss vanilla.”

And then he panicked.

He interpreted my comment to mean that I’m unhappy. My efforts to clarify didn’t help, especially when I used the phrase “in a rut.”

What I meant and what I tried to explain is that sometimes, I miss just being able to reach for each other and having the sex we had before the Principles. We’ve always been kinky, but now there are rules and patterns and roles. (In a less-than-articulate moment, I called it a “kinky rut.” That was my bad.) He’s not allowed to cum, which eliminates the possibility of having vanilla sex. Even if it was vanilla up to the point of his orgasm, stopping would still be in deference to the kink.

I don’t miss penetration (see my last post), so toys aren’t necessary. I don’t miss orgasms, because I cum all the time. I miss spontaneous romps when we both cum and collapse in sweaty, panting puddles next to each other, pausing to catch our breath, silent and connected in that way that sex can bring two people together.

When I say I miss it, though, I don’t mean it’s a problem. I tried explaining this to C by using an analogy.

“Ya know how you might suddenly realize, ‘oh, I haven’t had an oatmeal cookie in forever. I love oatmeal cookies. I haven’t missed it until this very moment, because I have peanut butter cookies all the time and I fucking love peanut butter cookies, but I could really go for an oatmeal cookie.’ And then you realize you don’t have any oatmeal cookies and you don’t have the ingredients to make oatmeal cookies. About 10 minutes later, you totally forget you even wanted an oatmeal cookie, because you found a peanut butter cookie. That’s how I feel about regular ol’ vanilla fucking.”

My analogy didn’t work. He’s worried the lack of oatmeal cookie will fester until I hate all cookies and leave him for someone who keeps oatmeal in the house. He’s afraid this is just the start of a resentment that will end us.

Although I tried, I couldn’t comfort him last night. By then, we’d turned out the light and were laying close to each other. I had an arm around him, but he was distant. I wanted him to respond to me in some way, to reach for me and accept my unspoken confirmation that I love him more than he can imagine and that my point was only that our FLR/male chastity arrangement means we can’t easily switch between kink and vanilla. After several minutes of silence, I moved my arm from him and slid the 3 inches to my side of the bed.  Instead of having sex – kinky or not – we said our “love yous” and our night was over.

I don’t know how to make him understand I don’t have a problem, that I made an off-hand comment in response to something he said which I thought was the same idea. I love what we do. I love the Principles and the FLR and the male chastity and all of it. But the simple fact is that the rules we’ve made don’t allow for a total switch back to vanilla on a whim. He hasn’t had a real orgasm since September, and he won’t have one until the new year. We carefully plan and administer ruined orgasms to avoid the down time after the end of a long period of chastity. 

Maybe I’m focused too much on his orgasm as the defining feature of vanilla sex. There’s no reason we couldn’t have a night without D/s but in which he doesn’t get release. I know we can figure this out. He has to trust me, though. He has to stop applying his past experiences to our relationship. I know that’s easier said than done; I do it, too, sometimes. But my comment wasn’t the first ember in a growing fire of resentment.

I was only acknowledging that, once in a while, an oatmeal cookie is nice. 

November 7, 2011

the absence of intercourse

by MissH213

I recently read a new post by Tom Allen over at The Edge of Vanilla which made me realize how much of C and my posts involve the effects of chastity on him. But, what about me? Tom Allen’s point about examining beyond the typical “I like all the back rubs” is well made.

I am an introvert with ADD, which I believe makes me perfectly suited for the type of kinky lifestyle in which C and I have found ourselves. 

As an introvert, I require a lot of Down Time. I define Down Time as me doing only what I want to do and nothing more, with a good dash of not having pay a bit of attention to anyone else. While it may sound boring to an extrovert, a perfect Saturday for me is spent sleeping in, waking slowly, catching up on my laundry and magazines and reality tv, and generally futzing around the house. I might get tons of chores done, or I may go 12 hours without accomplishing a damned thing. I like when C is at the house with me, but now that we live together, I am quite happy to know he’s in the other room watching football, while I do my own thing.

I have a cat that’s as the opposite of cuddly as you could possibly imagine, but she always wants to sit in whatever room I’m in. She and I are well-suited for one another.

Sex can be relaxing, for sure, but it isn’t down time. I’m actively engaged in the moment and with C. I’m considering his needs as well as my own, and it takes mental energy that needs Down Time to replenish. I love the connection with C and I’m happy with our sex life. It just isn’t Down Time. 

The ADD weaves nicely in with my introversion by adding an element of randomness to my Down Time. Much to C’s chagrin, I like to spend hours in the bathroom when I “get a shower.” What do I do in there? Well, I listen to my favorite podcasts, I do some personal grooming, I brush my teeth, all the normal shower-y things. But, just this morning, I took off my pj bottoms to change into work clothes and, while naked the from the waist down and therefore only half done undressing, somehow found myself reorganizing my eyeshadow drawer.

It happens a lot, and results in 90 minute “showers.” 

Our sex life fits nicely in this ADD/introvert scheme. I like my Down Time and I like fucking my soon-to-be-husband. There are only so many hours in the day, and, in the vanilla lifestyle, one of my needs would go unmet. So when I discovered that one way to humiliate C is to edge him over and over with my hand while more or less ignoring his pleas and moans and whimpers while I also read a book, I discovered the perfect Miss H answer to having it all.

C often asks if I miss him being able to fuck me traditionally. Aside from the whole “should a submale be permitted to insert his penis into his mistress’ vagina” controversy, the fact that C hasn’t had more than a ruined orgasm or two over the last, oh, I don’t even know, 50 days(?) means he can hardly be inside me for more than a second before he’s on the edge.

The answer to his question? I don’t miss it.

Vaginal intercourse is fun and I like it, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t really miss it, because I’m fulfilled in other ways. I cum more easily with oral and fingers, anyway. Also, I have a low threshold for intercourse before my sensitive lady parts get rubbed raw and start to hurt in a bad way.  (This isn’t a medical condition or an issue with moisture. I naturally get very wet and we use lots of lube, but sometimes I even break out in a rash from the lube.)

I’m starting to think I’m more fulfilled by the mental aspects of sex, anyway. C and I flirt and grope and touch and text and email and tease on a daily basis. If any of the mental fucking stopped, I would probably freak out, and start to wonder if we were in trouble. But a total lack of vaginal intercourse? I don’t even notice it missing. 

C will surely read this and leap to the conclusion that I don’t like traditional sex with him. If that gets him off, he’s free to continue to think that. It isn’t true, though. It’s just that, on our enormous menu of sexual activities, intercourse is a nice selection every once in awhile, while the mental sex (? ugh, I’ll have to come up with a better term than that) is my go-to favorite. 

Lately, we’ve spent the majority of our sexual activities with C dressing and laying beside me, the tv on and a book open on my lap, while I occasionally tease or stroke him. We talked about it, and he agreed with me that we should set aside a time or two each month to focus only on each other and sex. For the most part, though, we’re quite happy with our daily routine in which the kink and ordinary suburban living intertwine.

I suspect that if we weren’t into male chastity or male orgasm denial,  we’d have a problem. We either wouldn’t have enough sex to make us happy, or I would slowly go insane for lack of Down Time. So, yes, I do enjoy the endless attention, clean house, and back rubs, but I also deeply appreciate how well it works with our personalities.

I’m happier than I could have ever expected.


June 2, 2011

what if he breaks?

by MissH213

C is on around day 25 of 90 days of chastity. For us, this means he must be caged every day unless and until I want to play with him, and he may not orgasm “normally.” I’ll give him ruined orgasms and milk him as I see fit, for health purposes and to act as a slight, unsatisfying pressure release. I was feeling particularly giving yesterday, so C had two ruined orgasms – one in the morning and one at night.

I love the ruined orgasm! We go into his bathroom, with the lights bright and stark, with at least him fully nude, and I jerk him off until he tells me he’s about to cum. I let go and we wait for the cum to literally just fall out of him. It’s the most emasculating thing I’ve ever witnessed in person. It’s anticlimactic, in more ways than one. I love the control I exert over his body and his orgasms – one of the most powerful symbols of masculinity. It’s ruined and at my whim.

It is delightful.

As C snuggled next to me last night and I gently stroked his cock (which, despite two ruined orgasms, was hot and hard as a rod), he asked what would happen if he slipped and orgasmed by accident. “I’m trying so hard, Mistress,” he whined. And so, I laid out the possible punishments:

1. I’ll out him to someone he knows, of my choosing. First on my list is the female coworker that I allow him to flirt with because she’s under the impression that C is dominant and I enjoy knowing that, as she “playfully” offers herself to him, his cock is locked and I have the key.

2. Zero access to sports on tv or radio for 30 days.

3. Take the date of the day he’s cum, add a zero, and that’s how many days with no sports. If he slipped today, for example, he’d go without Pardon the Interruption for 20 days.

4. $500.

Hell, I’ve even offered to let him pick the punishment if he fucks up. I’m not all bad.

“Would you actually take my money, Mistress,” he whimpered. “Yes, love, I most certainly would,” I cooed back. Cumming without permission is an egregiously broken rule, and it must be punished accordingly.

I’ve had my eye on this Coach bag, anyway.


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